I am too lazy to think of a title

Screw Biology.

There's still a few chapters that I have to cram into my head but right now I'm too distracted.
Lots of people say that taking medic would be exhausting. That is not a lie but not exactly the truth either.

My friends who chose medic as their program said there are assignments to be done, lab report etc. Unfortunately I have a taste of relaxation and pure bliss during TESL that I can't bring myself up to standard for this course.

What am I babbling? *sigh*

I am a procrastination maniac. There, I said it. Happy now.

Now, since the cat is out off the bag , let me enlighten you on why I am like that. Internet plays a big role in shaping my attitude. Suck it, I gave in to its temptation far too easily. I like to be somewhat of a know-it-all stuck up jerk. Thus the reason I'm tinkering with everything that look interesting enough. If only I have that kind of dedication in my studies I could of ace in everything.

Rambling again..........

What stress me out is that the amount of reading that I have to do for my examination is actually a lot less than the novels that I could finish in mere hours. My housemates are a studious bunch. All of them have a systematic way of studying. They finish their assignment early and they understand perfectly what the teachers were spouting out of their mouth. They have short notes and do extra exercises. I stick out like a sore thumb 'cause I'm messy and do none of all the above. I also have the lowest mark compared to them. Not in all the subject mind you. I do study however miniscule the time allocated for it.

I'm thinking on how to change myself.  It is so fucking hard. I started not to get out and explore Penang anymore. I went out to roller-blade every evening as part of my healthy regime.

What I want to do but still can't keep at it:-

• do short notes
• keep my workplace clean
• finish tutorials given
• fold my laundry
• wake up early
• do extra exercises

Hmm, that's not actually a lot. What am I worried for. Yeah, the fact that I think I have ADD. I can't focus. I spaced out during lecture. There's this one time, I was focusing and understanding a subtopic of Genetic. It was interesting that I can even grasp about the fact. Then I saw something out of the corner of my eyes, started to sway a bit, WHAM, BAM thank you ma'am, I'm lost. What the hell are you teaching woman. I look back at my printed slides and thought "My God why am I here again and why the hell did I chose this as my life". When I came back to my senses, i realized that I somewhat like it and gave me a purpose in life. Its telling me that if its hard to get, I would be most likely to appreciate it. Although sometimes the thought of running back to TESL is quite appealing, I cannot bring myself to do it.

Maybe, just maybe, I could be happy here. Be happy with my choices and start to live in the real world. I mean, I'm miles behind everyone. I have a pretty good brain even if I rarely use it. I just have to discard the random knowledge that I stored up there and use that space for cramming exam based fact.  My friends are also settled and happy at their respective places, having everything map out for their future. I'm just a fish out of water or perhaps just a fox lost in the city, unsure about everything. In the end the fox might die because it can't get its normal food. Or maybe the fox live luxuriously raiding the kitchens instead of having to hunt, it get to just take immobile food items.

 

Maybe I am like that. Slicing your wrist is too mainstream.