2020

The year where I thought that I'd at least be somebody.
Fun fact, I am still a student.
I thought I'd give blogging another go as it's the middle of the year and just to chart on progress.

Let's see. Because of covid, my finals are being postponed so I am still in my final year of medical school. To anyone unaware, yes, I am in medical school. This dumbass chose to go to three different uni and waste almost a decade of life chasing a profession that is not his dream. Let's hope this dumbass pass and actually be a functioning member of society.

Despite the fact that I'm living in a tropical country, my dream of dressing like some old posh Brit have not died, I just need to lose weight. Which is something that I've been saying since I was 15 which is quite odd since I was not fat in high school. I got fat when I broke my leg. Gotta pick up running or something. Probably have internalized fat phobia or something. With the amount of sugar I'm consuming, running isn't a bad idea else I got diabetes.

Progress, where art thou?
I'm taking up more hobbies. Future me, please be proud, present me isn't.
I managed to crochet a hugeeee hood + cloak which haven't been worn after said leg got broken (lmao here, 'cause wore that in camp once, swordfight, fell and broke said leg, what are the odds)
Is now in the least tiring department in CF, still a coolie but who cares.
Have posted comics on instagram, woefully lacking in posting but have >20 comic strips. Listened to Fawrah when she said to post it. So now, ya boy got a lot of crappy comics but love them anyway 'cause it's a step in the right direction.
Listened to a lot of webinars. I'm always fascinated with panels, hence CF and a lot of different talks during uni. Thinking of becoming a translator but the fact that the only language I'm confident with is English is just sad.
Psy class made me think I'm not normal but it's ok 'cause everyone is a lil bit insane. Still not over that Ethics class in Penang. He said, you're not to be faulted in what you believe in. And also he said that we all care about money an our relatives 'cause we're all selfish beings. I think I learn a lot more from him than I do in Psy classes despite the fact that he's a cardiac surgeon, not a psychiatrist. Oh and I still mixed up psychiatrist and psychologist.
I've tried watercolour, markers, brush lettering, inking, but everything is up on the shelves because I don't wanna make time for them. I rather be in bed reading fanfics.

I've tried writing. I've posted my fics on fictionpress or somewhere....but the rest is just in my notebook, gotta polish or practice some more.

Are you proud yet future me? I may not get that degree yet but its not like I'm an utter failure. Oh and dad died in December few years ago. That's why you fail that year. Ahhh, he would've been sooooo disappointed with you. I mean, you could've talked to someone instead of bottling it in, or being in denial. Or hey, see a councellor. It could've cost you your scholarship you moron. But you can't even talk about death without choking up and hey look I can see you shed a few tears writing this, what's wrong with you.

okay. move on from sad shitz.

You've made a lot of friends. Some are trustworthy, some are not. You win some, you lose some. You gotta be less forgiving. You still follow that bitch that stole your tab. Hell, you're even friends with those bitches from highschool that stole your money. Why? I hope you've changed when you read this. I assume it'll be 5y before I reread this. Oh and most of your bff's are married. You gotta reach out to people sometimes. I know you're busy but sometimes people wanna be acknowledged, okay. Don't wait for them to text first.

I'm learning Mandarin now. Can barely read but its something. Never thought I'd be crazy over languages but I have accumulated 3 shelves space worth of language materials. Online resources is another story.
There's textbook, magazines, storybooks, phrasebooks in Mandarin, French, and German. Why German is in the list? Blame your ADD.
What happened to Japanese you say......also blame your ADD.

Remember Ariff said to pick up an instrument, stick with it and practice? Yeah, you pick up an instrument all right, but practice? In your dreams. I can only play My Heart will Go on. Yes, only that. That freaking song we learn in high school. We haven't progress. Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

You still journal, not as often as you should. The journal become a planner most of the time because you liked to be "organized". Whatever helps you sleep better at night.

Are you feeling it now Mr Krab?

I am a different person now future me. And you'll also be different.
I'm just putting it here because when you look back, you'll see that it's not as bad. You say that you can't go through with something and you did anyway. I know your first instinct is to run 'cause you haven't planted roots anywhere.

Psst, take more selfies. I know you think you don't change all that much. But the subtle changes are still there. The eyebags for example.