2020

The year where I thought that I'd at least be somebody.
Fun fact, I am still a student.
I thought I'd give blogging another go as it's the middle of the year and just to chart on progress.

Let's see. Because of covid, my finals are being postponed so I am still in my final year of medical school. To anyone unaware, yes, I am in medical school. This dumbass chose to go to three different uni and waste almost a decade of life chasing a profession that is not his dream. Let's hope this dumbass pass and actually be a functioning member of society.

Despite the fact that I'm living in a tropical country, my dream of dressing like some old posh Brit have not died, I just need to lose weight. Which is something that I've been saying since I was 15 which is quite odd since I was not fat in high school. I got fat when I broke my leg. Gotta pick up running or something. Probably have internalized fat phobia or something. With the amount of sugar I'm consuming, running isn't a bad idea else I got diabetes.

Progress, where art thou?
I'm taking up more hobbies. Future me, please be proud, present me isn't.
I managed to crochet a hugeeee hood + cloak which haven't been worn after said leg got broken (lmao here, 'cause wore that in camp once, swordfight, fell and broke said leg, what are the odds)
Is now in the least tiring department in CF, still a coolie but who cares.
Have posted comics on instagram, woefully lacking in posting but have >20 comic strips. Listened to Fawrah when she said to post it. So now, ya boy got a lot of crappy comics but love them anyway 'cause it's a step in the right direction.
Listened to a lot of webinars. I'm always fascinated with panels, hence CF and a lot of different talks during uni. Thinking of becoming a translator but the fact that the only language I'm confident with is English is just sad.
Psy class made me think I'm not normal but it's ok 'cause everyone is a lil bit insane. Still not over that Ethics class in Penang. He said, you're not to be faulted in what you believe in. And also he said that we all care about money an our relatives 'cause we're all selfish beings. I think I learn a lot more from him than I do in Psy classes despite the fact that he's a cardiac surgeon, not a psychiatrist. Oh and I still mixed up psychiatrist and psychologist.
I've tried watercolour, markers, brush lettering, inking, but everything is up on the shelves because I don't wanna make time for them. I rather be in bed reading fanfics.

I've tried writing. I've posted my fics on fictionpress or somewhere....but the rest is just in my notebook, gotta polish or practice some more.

Are you proud yet future me? I may not get that degree yet but its not like I'm an utter failure. Oh and dad died in December few years ago. That's why you fail that year. Ahhh, he would've been sooooo disappointed with you. I mean, you could've talked to someone instead of bottling it in, or being in denial. Or hey, see a councellor. It could've cost you your scholarship you moron. But you can't even talk about death without choking up and hey look I can see you shed a few tears writing this, what's wrong with you.

okay. move on from sad shitz.

You've made a lot of friends. Some are trustworthy, some are not. You win some, you lose some. You gotta be less forgiving. You still follow that bitch that stole your tab. Hell, you're even friends with those bitches from highschool that stole your money. Why? I hope you've changed when you read this. I assume it'll be 5y before I reread this. Oh and most of your bff's are married. You gotta reach out to people sometimes. I know you're busy but sometimes people wanna be acknowledged, okay. Don't wait for them to text first.

I'm learning Mandarin now. Can barely read but its something. Never thought I'd be crazy over languages but I have accumulated 3 shelves space worth of language materials. Online resources is another story.
There's textbook, magazines, storybooks, phrasebooks in Mandarin, French, and German. Why German is in the list? Blame your ADD.
What happened to Japanese you say......also blame your ADD.

Remember Ariff said to pick up an instrument, stick with it and practice? Yeah, you pick up an instrument all right, but practice? In your dreams. I can only play My Heart will Go on. Yes, only that. That freaking song we learn in high school. We haven't progress. Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

You still journal, not as often as you should. The journal become a planner most of the time because you liked to be "organized". Whatever helps you sleep better at night.

Are you feeling it now Mr Krab?

I am a different person now future me. And you'll also be different.
I'm just putting it here because when you look back, you'll see that it's not as bad. You say that you can't go through with something and you did anyway. I know your first instinct is to run 'cause you haven't planted roots anywhere.

Psst, take more selfies. I know you think you don't change all that much. But the subtle changes are still there. The eyebags for example.

A Friendly Face

After countless strangers that I have met made careless suggestions and go out of their way to 'educate' me, I think it is appropriate to record or at least analyze what have been said.

Today, I have the greatest opportunity to meet a 40-ish lady in the prayer's room at Bertam Public Library. The conversation started innocent enough, the usual where are you studying and the general comparison of my not-so-glamorous university and the local public universities.

Then, it started to get out of control and me nodding at appropriate parts.
It turns out that the lady is a lawyer.
She had had a case where a 51 year old professor became a vegetable after a heart surgery gone wrong. She claimed it was a severe case of negligence. I'm sorry Lady, I'm a mere 1st year, I seriously could not know whether it was negligence, carelessness or even a simple mistake.

She also shared her distaste of clinics with a shudder. The medical officers opening the clinics as a mean of extra bucks without much knowledge really. *insert more anecdotes on doctors' negligence*

I really have to look up the case where some doctors gave poison to a kid when her mum brought her in saying that she had a fever.

She also pointed out that most medical graduates have no more jobs because our countries are producing lots of able workers but practically job opportunities. In my head, I was mostly interrupting her saying, yes, yes I know about all of that. It is the same for every other job maam. Too many people are not retiring so we can't fill up those places. Or are you forgetting that people are now opting to retire at age 60?

However, I'm still sticking to the philosophy of how each person you meet will teach you something. I take it that our correspondence is to ignite a spark for me to continue studying for my Finals which is in a week from now. It is also a reminder that there is a lot to read and as a doctor-to-be, I need to work hard so I do not kill people "accidentally".

Beside a severe lack of manners because she kept pointing at me while saying the word doctors, it was an ok conversation. It was mostly one-sided so I didn't mind.

I do hope you take care of your health so you don't have to visit us doctors. My grandma managed to avoid doctors most of her life so maybe you could too. No, we don't want to kill you. We're here to help. We're not forcing you to accept our help either. We're not God as you so kindly reminded just now. Just do not clump as a group of imbeciles. I'm sure you would not appreciate it if I said all lawyers are money grabbing fools who aim to swindle us less educated people.

Not

my love for you
...is not as pure as dove
..is not as bright as the stars above

not as beautiful as a thousand symphonies
not even a haunting melody

it may not stood for a thousand years
it may not worth a single tear

for all the things that it is not
it sums up what i forgot
in love you do not choose
and in which everyone lose






 


 
 
 
 
 
That is me being dramatic. This just comes to me. It'll be a waste not to write it down.

Review: Castle Ep. 3: Hedge Fund Homeboys

I never actually reviewed this series before right? My bad. Oh, and did you guys realised that I mostly watch about 3 episodes before getting bored? I may or may not return to previous dramas and watch them.

Well, for starters let's get acquainted with the hero. His name is Rick Castle. He is a writer and he write thriller fiction. Then, his plot was used as a guide to commit a murder. That was how he met the beautiful Miss Kate Beckett. Before, he just helped just because it was his 'murder' but then he worm his way into the NYPD so he can follow Beckett on her job. He has proven to be of help in two episodes.

Well, this time it wasn't really that exciting. The story was that a teenager was found shot dead in a boat floating in the lake. So, they were running around accusing almost every character of killing the kid.

Though I really respect the kid who organizes the murder this time. He think of everything. He managed to make other people kill his victim, help him make an alibi and also kill the person who commit the murder in the first place. And making the second murder looked like a suicide, where the reason is supposedly remorse for killing his own best friend. Now, ain't that perfect?
I almost forgot, he also made it looked like some random drug dealer slash thug shot his victim.

Well, it was perfect until he got careless. It was too perfect and he has answer to everything. To be honest, I suspected him from the start. He was the calmest one of the bunch and has this superior smirk almost 24/7. He was caught in his own lie where his automatic synching of devices connect him to the scene of the crime. How can he be somewhere else, when his phone automatically send a video to the dead body's phone? Bam!

On the other hand, the drama actually wants to focus on the fact that:

•  Do not do drugs or deal drugs. You'll meet dodgy people. People can kill you and blame it on you.
• Be honest to your parents. We do not want them to get a heart attack when you were found dead somewhere indecent.
•  Do not be overly attached. The reason for the multiple murder was because of jealousy. The killer do not like being a second choice because when his victim's girl friend finally look at him, it was when his old boyfriend did not act like he used to. So, he killed him so she would not look back or something. This is ridiculous. Jeopardizing your life because of something so stupid.

So, ladies and gentlemen, that is all. If you really wanna wipe someone from this face of the Earth, either find some poison which can disappear from the body's system, hide the body really well or make it looked like suicide.

Review: Heartstrings Ep.2: That's My World

In this episode, they had a battle between The Stupid and The Windflower. It was cool and all, but The Windflower lost due to technical error.

An interesting matter about this episode.....
is when Lee Sin asked Gyu Won ( I still haven't got a clue about the main characters name) to cover for him in class where he went frolicking in the meadows. You just don't asked for a girl to cover for you when it is well known who you are. You're just inviting trouble. They're punished for it in case you were wandering.

This brings us to the issue of playing truant among school children. I'm putting the term loosely because all of us who are still in school regardless in primary, secondary or tertiary education, it is still considered schooling. I've been wandering for ages, where do those kids who played truant really go?

Don't get me wrong, I'm no goody two-shoes, I had my share of gate climbing and warden dodging in my days but I guess my escapade wasn't really colourful. All I did was either walk around town, loafing in the library to read, or simply at the dormitory....sleeping.

What peeved me wasn't the act actually because frankly, we do that sometimes. The thrill and the boredom at the same time. It's actually the act of covering for your friends when they're not there. If they have a leggit reason for not being there, they should've just said so, or give a letter as proof. Not asking a fellow classmate to sign for the attendance. I pity the friends who had to be punished alongside their so called friend when they're caught of forging signature for class.

If I can force myself to take a Medical Certificate (MC) from the clinic in the middle of a horrible fever, you can drag your sorry ass there as well. If you don't want to, just cut class, or take the MC later or whatever. Your call. Don't lie like that. It's because of people like that,that created the need of proving the fact that you're actually sick. Sometimes I wander, don't these authority figures understand that sick people just wanna rest in bed and not moving around with a blinding headache?

The point is, cut class all you want, just don't drag anyone into your swineful business.

Review: Heartstrings Ep.1: Accidentally Meeting You

I have commitment issues. I never could complete anything. So, that's why, today, I'm reviewing a new drama.

I have been wanting to watch this Kdrama since forever but shied away from it because some people said its no good. Screw people.. I watched it.. and it was good. Since when have I ever said anything is bad anyway? There's always a redeeming quality.

Have you guys ever realised, when watching any Kdrama, the part that is significant about it is the music, or I think people call it OST. I love them, especially when they turn original songs into instrumental ones. Don't get me wrong, I'm no expert on music, I can't even read music notes.

So, this is why, what I'm going to comment isn't supposed to be taken to heart. I listen and I feel, then I blurt them out. It's not from some talented music critics.

What I've written while watching episode 1:

it's cute seeing the use the same melody using traditional and then modern  instrument. and then mashing them.
i looked it up, it was carmen fantasy.
but their mix, kinda slow at first, like plucking a guitar.... and then using rock-ish style mostly using electric guitar. i like their version better than the one with violin and piano. in my opinion, using a violin make it sound so...... melancholic. theirs are more energetic.
i'm comparing it with Lucia Luque and Mauro Bertoli 's duet..
okay.. by the band name stupid is ridiculous
bcz when the crowd ic chanting.. stupid, stupid.... it sound... well, stupid

 Okay, that was what I felt about the music.

Criticizing a characters is what I love to do best. Lee Sun or whatever Yong Hwa's name in the episode was obnoxious. He was made to be so,,, I know. But, he was. Everything else is easily pardoned, because, hey, we're human.

But, a thing that we're mere mortal should bear in mind is that punctuality is key. We are not taught to let people wait for us. If we need to be somewhere else, or some emergency come up, do our best to tell them about it prior to engagement. If we are late for some appointment, tell them. It's okay to face the wrath of a she-demon, at least you'd fulfilled your obligation.

Review: Switched at Birth Ep.2: American Gothic

It's hard when two families are being thrown together, sharing a backyard together. Separate home, mind you, but still in close vicinity. It's just that when both wanted to assert authorities, it's almost impossible to not fight.

At the end of the episode, I guess they understood that they wanted to get to know each others' daughters, not co-parenting.

What I especially like about this episode from Bailey's side is graffiti. It's cool to know that you actually need a template for a good graffiti. I used to think that they have super amazing talents that I can't possibly ever compete. Apart from that, I learned that you can't cover other people's graffiti unless it's a poster or already peeling and/or damaged. It's kinda disrespectful. It's nicer if you 'answer' the art. As in respond to it with your own. I'm not exactly promoting the 'defacing of public properties' as the authorities might like to call it. But, if there is an abandoned building that needs prettying up, go ahead. It's not like the art is cheap.